Its not going well
Hello, again.
So much for regularly updating this blog, hey?
Well, it turns out that my recent life changes took a more serious toll on me than was visible at the time, to whit; my heretofore-undiagnosed-but-definitely-there anxiety disorder has kicked into high gear to the point where I've not managed to go so much as a week at this new job without suffering a dissociative breakdown.
As you might imagine, this has been incredibly distressing for me.
Panic attacks and dissociative episodes related to work are not unfamiliar to me (I've had them for years to greater or lesser extents) but as time progresses they're getting worse and its become dangerously unhealthy for me. In order to combat this, I'm in the process of getting signed off as unfit to work and reduced my hours dramatically, to the point where I'm only just making enough to scrape by. Thankfully I'm not in any danger because of this; I'm just dirt poor again. I'm hoping that going through this process will either give me enough of a break that I can sort out my mental health somewhat and find a job that won't destroy me or put me on a benefits pathway where I won't be forced to work to keep the lights on at all.
Anyway that's ... kinda all there is to say right now, I guess. I have no idea what's going to happen with my life from here and, honestly, I'm kinda terrified; I had grand ideas for where I was gonna go next and they kinda got shot down immediately so yeah, i don't know.
Uhh ... thanks for reading, I guess. I'll try to update when there's anything worth sharing.